Facing your fears.

Facing my fear of flying!

I'm writing this 36,000 feet in the air, while I am confronting one of my biggest fears: flying. I hate to fly, I don't find any of the experience pleasant, I get nervous before I fly, while I'm on the plane and really only feel relief wash over me when I'm through passport control, customs and away from the airport. I will say that I am lucky in the respect that this fear, although extremely unpleasant, doesn't paralyse me, I am still able to take a flight without having an anxiety attack, I'm just in a heightened sense of nervousness, nausea and every time we experience  a slight bump or the seatbelt sign is turned on due to turbulence, I panic.

I'm also afraid of heights. I get sweaty palms and butterflies when there are shots of heights on television or in films. When I visited the Grand Canyon, I stayed well away while other people took amazing photos of themselves standing on the edge. I get nervous when I go to the sea side and walk along the pier and I can see the sea underneath me through the spaces in the boardwalk, but the thing that I am most proud of is that I do it. 

When we are afraid of something, we can turn from rational, logical human beings into irrational messes. A fear causes every fibre in our bodies to quiver, fills our mind with improbable and entirely negative thoughts and I know that if you have a full blown phobia of something it can be a very difficult obstacle to overcome. I decided that if I want to make the most of whatever comes my way I have, to a certain degree, face my fears and push myself through those boundaries. I came to the conclusion that what I am afraid of isn't what it seems, for example, I'm not afraid of the height itself, I'm afraid of falling. I know that I am an anxious person, I worry about the consequences and the what ifs, but I also don't want to miss out on opportunities because I'm afraid of a what if. It doesn't necessarily have to be a big life changing opportunity: I will force myself to go on a rollercoaster that has a steep climb or vertical drop (I'm looking at you, The Smiler, Saw: The Ride, Rip, ride, rockit) if it means I get to experience the pure adrenaline rush of the other twists, turns and drops of the coaster. I will take a flight if it means I can travel to far away countries. It doesn't mean that my fears become lesser or overcome, just that I'm choosing not to let them control or dominate me. 

I don't know where my fears originated from. I flew from a young age, my fear of heights developed when in my twenties. I'm a little teeny tiny bit (okay, a lot) afraid of the dark because I don't like the unknown out there but I can't stop the night rolling in every evening so all I can do is be brave and take a step into the dark, close my eyes or find a source of light. When I fly, I step onto the plane, breathe calmly and focus on my destination. If I'm up high, I don't look down, or when I'm comfortable, I allow myself a little peek and say to myself "I'm okay". 

Throughout my life, I know I'm going to face other, currently undiscovered fears and phobias but I have also come to the conclusion that I'm not really going to be able to stop them or life coming at me so if I can, I might as well employ whatever strategy I can to keep them at bay or under control. I am proud every time I go to the doctors, walk in the dark, or see a cockroach and don't scream. My fears make me who I am and make me a little bit stronger when I confront them. Just don't ask me to get a spider out of the bath, I'm definitely not ready for that shit yet.