Recently, I have been fretting quite a lot about my age. I know this may sound crazy to a lot of people, after all, I'm 26 and I'm well aware that is young and hopefully, I have tons of time ahead of me to fulfill all my ambitions, hopes, and dreams. However, sometimes, I feel like I don't actually have that much time to do everything that I want to do and I am constantly comparing myself to people around me. A lot of my friends (my age and younger) have set up home or they're married or they have kids, they seem set up for life. They are happy and responsible and stable. And then I compare myself to them: single, living the other side of the world, racking up huge debts, no prospect of a good, stable job yet, only just graduated, when at home, living with parents and on the downhill slope to 30. The age by which, it seems, most people have their shit together.
The problem is, when it read it back like that, it sounds great to me. Yes, I am single, but I am no way ready to get married yet, living the other side of the world... Well, I'm in Mexico, my second home, racking up debts that are totally worth it. No stable job to go back to because I'm deciding between a masters, pgce, or continue working abroad and I gained 'life' experience before I went to uni, working full time. I own my own house but I enjoy my parents company and I haven't exactly been in one place for a very long time these past four or five years. I always feel like I have to justify my life choices to myself to make sense of everything that I am doing.
The justification of my choices to myself, seems even to me, a bit ridiculous. Simply because I'm not sure that I would change anything. So to constantly compare myself and what I have achieved to other people is a pointless exercise. I think it's because I'm not doing any of the 'grown up' things, I still enjoy doing the same things I did when I was in my early twenties, except now, I think I do them all with a little more self assurity.
I'm not sure when I will be ready to 'grow up' and start acting like an 'adult'. I can see myself travelling, reading, going to pop concerts, and soberly dancing the night away for the foreseeable future. Does this make me immature? Should I be going to cheese tastings and hosting garden parties just because I feel like I should be doing this? Should I stop listening to pop music and perhaps move on to something more 'mature'? Isn't it better that I do what makes me happy?
A very important person has said to me on a number occasions, "don't worry about what you think you should be doing, do what makes you happy!" That simple sentence, thought, or idea is becoming increasingly more important and relevant to me everyday. Maybe I should make a late New Years resolution and remind myself to do what I want to do from here on out, instead of conforming to some ridiculous idea that life has set rules and deadlines.
We all go through so much on a day to day basis, we do not need to add extra pressure to our daily lives, pressure that is completely unnecessary. So I'm going to carry on acting how I want, doing what makes me happy. So please excuse me while I go write my Disney bucket list.
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